Is this love?
by FTWeepingbell
Summary: Dean was worried, Cas hadn't been back for ages, he wasn't replying to his prayers and no one, not demon, angel or hunter, had seen him or heard from him. Suddenly Cas returns but not how Dean expexts. One-Shot.


Dean was worried, Cas hadn't been back for ages, he wasn't replying to his prayers and no one, not demon, angel or hunter, had seen him or heard from him.  
After five days of Cas being gone, Dean started to lose sleep, after nine, he stopped eating and after eleven, he stopped talking.  
Sam tried to calm dean down but nothing would help, not a job, not Dr sexy, Bobby couldn't even get through to him.  
Deans once vibrant green eyes had darkened, his stubble had grown into a beard and his nails had been chewed into oblivion.  
Dean just paced the stingy hotel, waiting, praying for Cas to come back.  
Thirteen days after Cas' disappeared a girl appeared in the motel. She was wearing a white shirt tucked into a black skirt with black leggings underneath. She had little black slip-ons and a to-big, thin cardie was drapes over her shoulders. Her hair was a long, jet black mess of curls tied up in a rough pony tail, her fringe framed her face and made her brilliant blue eyes stand out.  
She looked down at the floor and fiddled with her cardies sleeves before staring into Deans darkened eyes.  
"Hello Dean" Her voice was shaky and she sounded as if she was about to cry, but aside from that it was nice and it reminded him of when his mother used to sing to him.  
"Who are you?" Were his first words he had said in two days. He had hoped they were 'Cas, it's good to see you. Where were you?' But by now Dean was used to disappointment.  
"I'm sorry, I got into a fight and then I was forced out of Jimmy and then I spent ages trying to get out of heaven, you know how time is different there and all, and then I had to get a body and this was the only one available, when I say available I mean willing to let me use her, I know how young she looks, but she's around twenty three, that's ten years younger than you, and then I spent awhile trying to find you, you are really hard to find, it was easier before Frank, and I'm so sorry Dean, I didn't mean to disappear" The girl rambled and it seemed like she didn't breath till the end where she took a few deep breaths.  
"Cas? Is that you?" Dean stared, amazed at the girl in front of him. He reached for her, pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her forehead that, conveniently, was right where his lips were "You do realise you're in a chick, right?" He said pulling back.  
"What does the sex of my vessel have to do with anything?" Cas tilted her head, just like she used to back when she was in Jimmy.  
"Nothing, it's just a bit naughty that's all" Dean chuckled at the thought of _his _Castiel inside this small, fragile girl.  
Cas felt her chest warm up when she heard his laugh, but ignored it. "Would you please get your head out of the gutter, Dean?"  
Dean only smiled in response "So where ya' been?" Dean questioned, curious.  
"As I said before I left, there was trouble in heaven, traitors as it happened. I went to smite them but fell into their trap, they forced me out of my body and sent me back to heaven. I found this vessel, Isabella Hunton, living alone, working part time at a diner for minimum wage, praying for something more. She let me in, I tracked you down and now here we are" She explained, not breaking eye contact with Dean once.  
"Why didn't the angels just gank your ass? They had a clear shot, they could've taken it" Dean took a few seconds to realise what he said and then rushed to explain "I'm not saying they should have but why didn't they?"  
Cas smiled at Dean but became very serious when answering the question "They needed Jimmy. They wanted to know where you were, I wouldn't of told them, Jimmy can be persuaded easier."  
"So why didn't you jump back into Jimmy? Didn't he let you, or something?"  
Cas' eyes began to tear up "Th-they killed him. They ki-killed Jimmy" Cas bust into tears and Dean pulled her close again letting her cry into his shoulder. "I-I'm so so-sorry, D-Dean. I should've ke-kept him safe. He was my res-responsibil-bility"  
"It's ok. You couldn't of helped, it wasn't your fault" He stroked her hair, trying to calm the hysterical Cas in his arms. "You couldn't save him. I feel this all the time and yeah, it hurts but you gotta' realize that you couldn't help"  
They stood like that for a while. Cas crying into Dean's shoulder and Dean telling her it was ok.  
_Damn, Cas is so... Girly in this body. It's like he really is the girl he is riding around in.  
_"Do you really think I'm girly?" Cas asked reading Deans mind.  
"Well yeah. The tears and the dramatics makes you sound like a girl. It's so different from what you normally are like"  
"What am I normally like, Dean?" Cas wiped the tears from her eyes.  
"I dunno, different, kinda emotionless, a bit... Ya' know?"  
"No, I'm sorry Dean, I don't know"  
"You're still clueless though, just like you were, and you definitely weren't the type to break down into tears like that. But I do like this vessel, it's nice. But somethin's wrong"  
"This girl, Isabella, is in perfect shape. She is healthy, no scars or wounds and no mental or physical disease. I don't understand how anything is wrong"  
"I know what it is" Dean said ignoring Cas. He turned around and rummaged through the bag at the end of his bed producing a beige, crumpled mess of fabric. "Here. It might be a bit big but it's yours"  
She took the mess out of deans hands. It unraveled in her hands. "My trenchcoat? Why did you keep it?"  
Dean blushed a little "It-it was the only thing I had left of you"  
Cas again confused by what Dean had said tilted her head but asked no questions, she only put on the trench coat, which, as Dean had said, was far too big.  
"Perfect" exclaimed Dean "Now you look like Cas" he bent down and kissed her "My Cas" They both blushed but refused to look away from each other.  
"I-I don't see what you mean by 'your Cas'"  
"I mean... I think I..." _Deep breath Dean._ "IthinkIloveyouCas" He blurted out.  
"You love me? Why did you not say so before?"  
"Because I guess I didn't know 'till ya' dissapeared and I realized how much I missed you and I really do mean it Cas, I love you. Do you, ya' know, share this... feeling?" Dean could feel his heart beating faster and faster. He always thought of admitting that he loved Cas but never actually did.  
"I think I... I might, Dean. Saying that I have never been in love so I don't know what it feels like" Cas half mumbled thoughtfully.  
Dean suddenly getting confident smiled a little. "Does your heart race?" He pushed closer "Does you mind go nuts?" He wrapped his arms around the smaller girls waist "Does your whole body long for me?" Whispered the last question against her lips.  
Cas didn't think she could talk so she only nodded slightly.  
"That's love" Dean kissed Cas softly.  
"Then I love you, Dean Winchester"

* * *

**A/N: Please tell me where I messed up and why. I know I have definatly messed up somewhere.**


End file.
